We've finally said goodbye to 2016. What a terrible year in so many ways. Everyone has their own personal reason for hating 2016; Personally, David Bowie, my ex leaving me for LA, and ending my 10+ year friendship with my best friend would be some of the top of the "fuck 2016" list. Many good things came out of 2016 thankfully! My baby sister got married, I met two of the most amazing ladies ever, and I am so proud to call them my friends, I decided to take on law school, I dropped the dead weight that was my shit relationship, and I have gotten closer to my cousin than I ever was as a child, and it's been wonderful! Thankfully, the beast of 2016 has been slain and we are into a new year. One that has already started out shitty in some ways or another for me. I want to be positive! But I dont know how to be.
I started 1/1/17 completely hungover and sick. I did it to myself. It sucked. I didn't recover until the next morning. Only positive of that day was hanging with my dad and watching football and the Centennial Classic! What a game! It was really fun sharing stories of my dad's past games, his past hockey career as a goalie, and cheering on the Wings! It really was comforting just hanging with my dad that day. I recovered enough to enjoy the 3rd period of the game before getting sick again and retreating to bed. The older I get, the less I can tolerate college levels of drinking. It was a mess of a day.
I was a bit positive earlier in the week, when I got "asked out", if i can call it that (and I mean that in the least sarcastic way possible), by someone I've been very interested in. And since that day, communication has dwindled and I cant help but to blame myself and my irritating communication levels. If I'm interested in someone, I want to talk to them often. But, in this day and age, it seems to be something that you just don't do. I hate it. I wish I didn't take things so personally. My asshole, pessimist brain tells me that he'll cancel last minute. I wish I could just tell myself to shut up and let it be!
I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, which is nice. I hope she can give me some insight and help me not worry so much. I just want to have a happy 2017, and I haven't been able to yet. Maybe he doesn't think I'm annoying...maybe my worrying is annoying. . I just want to meet someone nice and hang out. Even if it doesnt get romantic. I just need to get myself back out there again.
